Toned down

I have not been myself as of late. Actually, allow me to correct that. I have not been my usual self as of late. I have so much angst and annoyance at the world at large that I cannot deign myself bother or care for social niceties.

Dare I not think about my image. For should it be tainted, I might not let myself live to see another day. But whilst saying that, I would much rather die that to live through the eyes of others.

I have reached my low of lows. But I feel no rush to dig myself out. Not just yet. It is like being in the dark. Stumbling through, reaching out with your eyes wide open, seeking...

I am realising more and more than I do not fit into society's wonderful and convenient "conventions".

When looking at things, I always seem to pick the odd one out. The one that seems most normal to me but apparently is not [normal]. I do not give answers that are expected. I stray off other people's ways of thinking. I cannot, for the life of me, reiterate half of the things that are explained to me. Even if I understand it, I summarise, if but a bit too succinctly.

And there are times when I catch myself rambling [which happens ever so often] and seeing the person on the other side wondering what the hell I am gabbling on about.

I sweat on the small stuff. I get angry at comments that I do not agree with. I naaay at people whom I feel most comfortable with. I am not nice by definition. I hate being predictable. And I fucking hate people who never [EVER] give way.

Life does not just throw peaches at you on good days.

Step on.

Move on.

Here's to the juice factor.