After repeating to Debbie for the umpteenth time about how things would be so much more fun if we were drinking, she gave me a look which told me that either I was the only person who was uncomfortable with being sober at the social outing or that I needed to get on with it.
I have an issue with not drinking.
I am friendlier when I drink. More daring. Less likely to think about the consequences of my actions or the words lodged from my mouth. I am also more relaxed... which is the intent of alcohol. To dilate the blood vessels.
I have so much fun when I am drinking. And it gets to a point where it is not normal not to. You go to a barbecue or a party. Or dinner. Or to a friend's place. Or at the pub. Restaurant. Anywhere. It is only so normal to have a drink or two. You know, just to loose a bit. Chill.
Since Australia Day, I have been using the excuse of my trip to the States to not drink. To save up. But in truth, I really want to get to rediscover myself. To reinvent the cautious me at social outings. To learn how to let loose without having to turn to alcohol. To enjoy myself in a situation where everyone around me is drunk/drinking.
I have done it before where I have stopped drinking for months. But this time, it is different. It feels as if I am at the tip of something new. Something that will bring out a better side of me. Can you feel it too?
Let me insert a disclaimer here. I am not saying that I will not drink [forever]. Some alcohol-fuelled outings have left me with the best of stories and friends to keep. I just think that I need to be comfortable enough with myself before I start to drink again.
So here's to an alcohol free birthday.
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