Keeping it simple

There’s no better way to describe my life right now but that it is full of promises and I should cherish it as it is.

The kids are well. One mirrors his dad and has the biggest personality that a child can have. He also happens to enjoy maths, asking and being asked a million questions. The other, shares the same skin colour as me, and loves cuddles. He is also a smart kid who is always curious about what people are feeling. Particularly, when it comes to love and anger. 

As for my other half, he is working through the many emotions that comes with being forced to stop doing what he enjoys doing for work. There are ups and downs, but I am thankful that he is more himself these days. To be fair, I have shared my frustrations over the situation with him too. On the positive, he is making a business pivot and I am genuinely proud of how brave he is in taking the initiative to make it work. 

As for me, I realise that while my return to social media has been warmly welcomed, I have started to get back to my old “addictive” ways. The time that I have spent on Instagram, filling minutes which turn into hours, is less than ideal. It was meant to be my creative outlet but I have become more obsessed with creating content and if I am honest with myself, being in a superficial environment which really does not bring any proper, meaningful connections. Because in reality, these continue to exist outside of Instagram. 

I will, intentionally, reduce my time on there. And fill those minutes and hours with other things. Like, connecting with my boys. Being present. Being okay with not checking my phone for updates every five minutes. Yes, it has been THAT bad!

Okay, I feel better now that I have reset. I do not have to explain myself but I contemplated doing so on Instagram. It is crazy how much I care about what people think. If I can just invest that energy to focus on what I can do for myself, my family and my community, I think that would be a real win.

So what are my aspirations for the rest of the year? Well, first and foremost, I want to be there for my family. Furchild inclusive. I yearn for mini holidays with them where I can spend day after day just enjoying being around them, uninterrupted by the daily grind.

And of course, quality time with my dearest friends. It is not lost on me that I spent my entire teenage life wanting a boyfriend and being in a relationship. And now when I want to take a real Mon break, it is with my girlfriends! Alanis Morrisette could not be more true about the irony of life! 

Now, in terms of personal growth, I want to be honest even when I know it is going to lead to an uncomfortable situation. I have held back my truth or my narrative to keep peace. And I have apologised or been embarrassed for speaking up. I am tired of pleasing. 

I think I have been doing so. As in, not staying silent. And again, to my demise. Then ruminating. Haiyah! It is what it is. I shall keep fighting, as they say in Korean. 

Professionally, I hope to get a program that is very close to my heart up and running. I want to see it through. And hopefully change the lives of a few people for the better. Like, a lot better. 

There are so many things that I could be doing but I want to be purposeful. Especially in the next 30 years. Yeah, while I am still alive and able. My kids will be close to my current age then and I want to look back knowing that it mattered. That each moment, both big and small, mattered. 

Every setback, every joyous occasion, everytime I connected with someone. Even if it is ever so brief after so many years. Or even if it is a brief encounter. Like kids who meet for the first time at a playground. In that moment, as long as we stayed true. And respectful. I know, sometimes it is hard to be kind especially when there are real nutters out there. 

I feel the tiredness sinking in now. Here’s to my fab forties, insomia and new love for working out.