Qualm

How long should we dwell on an issue before we move on? By issue, I mean, a discovery of a medical condition. One that will remain with you for the rest of your life.

Upon finding out that I might have to go for counselling [not to treat this medical condition but] to train my brain to ignore it, I felt robbed of the one thing that I love more than anything else. Music. No more concerts, no pubs or clubs, no more dancing to my favourite beats at home at a volume I am comfortable with.

What am I to do without?

Truth be told, there are bigger issues at hand.

Which leads us to my earlier question. How long before we move on?

In the past week, I have learnt so much about this condition that I did not want to know more. And when I thought I knew all there was to know, I would learn something new. I fear that the worst is yet to come. I know, it is silly to be afraid of what you do not know. But I admit the fear. I do not think bad of it. Nor do I welcome it. But it is there.

Now, I am ready to move on from being afraid.

This is an opportunity for me to make a permanent lifestyle change. One that will involve switching my life around. From the clubs and pubs to the outdoors. Hiking, camping, traveling, adventurous water sports.

To more time spent at home. Memories shared in the lounge room with my family and friends. Board games. Personal acoustic music sessions. Walks on the beach. A new no alcohol lifestyle.

It will not be easy. But I can either go into depression and think of life as unfair or buck up and make do with the situation. If I can teach my brain to block out certain things, think of the many things that I can train it to do. Through practice and time.

I will not associate the words "awesome" or "great" with the medical condition. It is diagnosed as a condition for a reason. But we owe it to ourselves and to those we care about to make the necessary changes in our lives to be ourselves again. To have a dream. To do something about it. And to love.

Here's to hoping for the best.