Monica Choo-Catchick

Perception is so important. 

I feel like my perception always changes.  

My status quo sees the best in people. 

And then it changes. Be it a series of events. It is so hard to explain.

Do you find yourself secluding yourself from people when you suddenly feel like you do not belong? How did we get here? How did we become so needy? 

I am trying so hard to fulfil my life's calling and at the same time, I am trying to stay afloat. 

I am so confused. I do not know if people are being real with me. Or if I want to be real with them anymore. But I do. At the core of it all, I cannot be anything but real. 

I cannot help if I smile a lot. I cannot help if I am not defensive. Or that I do not believe in myself all the time. I do not make smart comments. I do not like to ignore others no matter how busy I am. 

I want to help. 

Every part of my body wants to help people. Sometimes I feel like that is a bad thing. I feel like I give so much of myself to people to have them treat me like crap. 

Do people realise how it hurts me? 

I hate doubting the words of others. I know, it sounds so silly. Monica, grow up. 

I do not need acceptance. I need to be comfortable with who I am. I need to know that it is okay. That there is nothing wrong with me. That I am not incompetent. 

My life has been good. My family. My friends. People I love. I am finally living my dreams. Making things happen. I am so happy and excited. 

I guess there were just some things that were bugging me. Things that were on my mind. 

The greatest lessons are learned through the hardest of times. 

And I pray that we come out of it without losing the ones that we should keep closest to us. To see through the storm and to persevere.