Hiding Under Rosy Things

What do I value?

It is funny. What I think I value and where I spend my time or where my thoughts are consumed in... are far from where I aspire to be.

Right now, I feel like the two do not even talk.

Have I changed too much?

Do I still share the same heart or have I become too disheartened?

Repeatedly, I have had people who I care about show a side of themselves that has left me feeling low. And I have to pick myself up, pretending that it does not bother me.

But it does.

Every single day, it does.

I drove past a stop sign today. I was so caught up in my thoughts. So focused on what I had not done that I did not pay attention to the road.

I keep having to fill the void. I keep picking up my phone.

There is so much to do. And I am starting to get emotional which is a sign that I am becoming a ticking time bomb.

I can see the uglies in me appearing.

Good people. There are good people in this life Monica.

Focus on what you can do.

If you feel so strongly about something and really feel that something needs to change, make it known. But be careful and do not take out your frustrations on others.

If you are struggling with staying still and being silent, let your body drain itself of energy if you must. But you need to sleep.

I do not know how to calm my heart right now.

It feels like a million broken pieces and I am pretending everything is okay.

Why can I not appreciate the amazing things that are happening? Why do I wallow so much? How can I rewire my prehistoric brain?

Sleep beckons.