It started shaky. Gene and I had been overwhelmed with the load of the wedding planning and had our differences in opinion which escalate very quickly when you both become so highly strung after a long day of running around. In fact, weeks of non-stop running around and it heightens without your realising it. When all you want is for things to go a certain way. Especially when you feel like you are responsible or should have a say for everything.
I learned the important lesson of letting go. As a control freak, it has been one of the hardest lessons I have had to take on. I had to learn to not hold my tongue (as it only explodes in due course of time) but to know when to think before I speak and to realise that some things (good and bad) are meant to happen. To let others in, for them to hold an opinion and to allow time for me to understand the whys as opposed to the whats. To stop trying to control every situation so it turns out the way I expect it to. Including my paranoia for health, safety and appearances.
I have behaved like a mad child. One who thinks she is right all the time. And I have had to learn to step back and be okay with letting go. Mind you, I still flare up now and again, and get highly defensive. It is not going to change overnight but I will change. And I can see that he is trying to change too.
So how has it been magnificent? We managed to recover and be real at spending quality time with our friends and family who have travelled from different parts of the world to celebrate our day with us. Since we are both legally married, I feel it allows me to just enjoy the moment. Enjoy celebrating Gene and all that comes with this package of love.
Noting that love includes all emotions. It ranges and shifts and curves to mature you. To stretch you. It also brings you joy like no other and comfort in being the person that you are. It humours you and makes you cry. It drives you up the wall and changes gear when you least expect it to.
It teaches you the importance of forgiving. And to ask for forgiveness.
I cannot believe each and every waking moment. Our friends and family are all at the very same place as us. It is an incredible feeling. It does feel like a holiday but on a much larger scale. You know that the reason they are there is because of you and your “kin-to-be”.
It is surreal. From the moment I realised it was my last day at work before going on leave to get married to sitting in the pool with my friends, sipping on cocktails, listening to our favourite music, to dining on a long table with friends like how I used to do with my family to actually dining with my family. With my dear siblings.
I have been overjoyed/overwhelmed with love.
My tummy is doing knots because it is all happening so quickly and I do not want it to go away so soon. I want to savour each moment and remember this. Remember the sights, sounds, emotion, smells, the touch and feel, the significance of it all.
No matter what, I accept that it is the version of life that I will be happy with and will appreciate.
Praise Him!
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