Brave 'nuff

Increasingly, I am questioning my authenticity and direction in life. And if I am representing the right cause.

I am becoming more crude. A lot more skeptical. And I am admittedly losing faith in people.

There are micro moments that do not mean too much on their own but over time, they tell a narrative that upsets my every being.

I have seen, heard and experienced some very harsh realities. It weighs on my shoulders having known people who have come to work and put on a face even when they are at their lowest of the low.

Not knowing what to do next. Feeling overwhelmed by the situation that we are faced with and not knowing what tomorrow, let alone the next hour will bring.

I am embarrassed at myself for being so sensitive in my ways. And I question my place in the fold.

I remember sitting in the theatrette with all my procurement colleagues and we were given a scenario that required us to negotiate an outcome but with limited information. I was the only person in the room who negotiated a win win whereas everyone else had a win loss. Of course they were on the winning side.

The voice in my head is louder than ever but another voice is telling me to hang in there. Something good will come if I persevere. But maybe it is time I switched my mindset. Perhaps Human Rights is not what I am after and perhaps it is simply unattainable.

Maybe it is the daily injustices that people are faced with that I should be looking at. Maybe it is time to broaden my perspective and to really find out what is happening in the community that I am living in. I do not know quite what it is but I have a strong feeling that I will need to step out of my comfort zone.

To the silences that make us listen.