"Don't take it personally"

Recently, I wrote down an advice from an online presentation to not take things personally. And it was a timely reminder too as I was preparing for some challenging meetings at work.

But it got me thinking. Should we not be taking things personally since it is being directed at us as a response to something we did or said?

We are all professionals at the workplace and most of us tend to keep our emotions at bay. Progress the way forward for decision making without the nasties of dealing with biological reactions.

By keeping it clinical.

But we are not robots. We use our intuition, our experiences and our gut feel to guide us with our decisions. Is it right to then dismiss our true feelings in confrontational situations? What SHOULD we do when we are faced with someone who is argumentative and irate? Someone whom we have just met and are meant to keep on a professional stance with. Or even someone we have known for a while now and is reacting in a way that we are not accustomed to?

Are we losing our human connection at the workplace by displacing ourselves from others in times of conflict?

Perhaps the idea behind this whole "not taking things personally" is not about displacement. Rather, it is about the recognition of a wider context that we find ourselves stepping into. To understand that the reaction of others in their aggression and frustration towards us encompasses other factors such as their personal experiences, be it through similar reactions that they take to achieve outcomes that they wish or desire or the hardships that they are faced with.

Let's turn the tables around. When was the last time you felt frustrated? When was the last time you felt unjustly treated?

For me, my reactions play out in mild repercussions. I mull. I replay historical data kept deep in my memory bank unlocked for occasions like these. I distance myself. And I take a stilly response if I take a response at all, tipped with a tear ducted session.

Others react with outbursts. But the breakdown remains the same. There is a disconnect. A me against the world. And we each take our own form of cover and protection to deal with it the way we feel most comfortable with even though it shakes up everything and everyone else.

I just want someone to understand how it feels to be me.

To know why I do the things I do.

I simply want coherence.

Why are things not panning out the way I planned?

Now, let's take it back to the very beginning.

Perhaps what we need to do is to acknowledge the emotional feedback that we are receiving. To realise the fragility of the moment. To demonstrate our awareness of the situation and to help shift the focus from personal beatings to a common understanding. We do not need to give examples of similar experiences but to simply show our true concern.

To do so, we need to allow ourselves to evolve. To gain a level of understanding involves revising our own thoughts. To let go of that personal battle that it signifies us raising the white flag or losing our stance and to change our mindsets to realise that we are becoming better informed and that as a result, our perceptions have changed.

When ready, we can then bring focus back to the goals at hand. To give purpose a new light and demonstrate the possibilities of achieving it.