Mums and Marriages

Reasons as to why my mum wants me to get married:

1. She finds it inappropriate that I am living with my partner. She says that it is not something that we do back in Asia and it is not the way Catholics should live their lives. She is also concerned about what my uncles and aunties might think of me.

2. She wants more grandchildren.

3. She says that she has told my dad.

Sometimes I wish honesty was not so inherently a part of my blood stream. I informed my mum about my living arrangements because it was a natural progression of the relationship and I did not think of it as something that necessitated a form of secrecy.

But now, it has driven me to a point where I do not wish for a marriage. Nor do I want to consider it simply to make a point. I have tried to reason with her. Explain to her that Gene and I are committed to the relationship. Attempted to dissipate the rush by giving signs of a marriage that might occur in the not-so-distant future. 2 years, I said.

I bet you she is praying hard for me to change my mind. But should that really be the focus? Why should I please the conventions of the others, be it that of aunties and uncles whom I hardly ever see, by putting a different title against my name?

Perhaps these are my mum's set ways and to understand any others is to stand to be corrected. But it is not a matter of who is right or wrong. It is the living of one's life by one's reasons and values which simply, or maybe not so simply, differentiates in action.

I am not here to disrespect my mum's wishes or belittle them. I only hope for her to let me be. To allow me to make my own life decisions [mistakes included] as I have always done so. I know that my mum values the family and places religious teachings as something to live by. And I know deep down my mum is looking out for me. To secure myself with a husband. Own a house. And start making babies. But my values do not differ from hers at all. Perhaps not the securing part but I do foresee a marriage. And the house and babies although the thought of it all frightens me. I need time.

I love my mum dearly and her thoughts matter greatly to me. Which is probably why I am so torn at the knowledge of upsetting her. But as all mother and daughter relationships go, it will all work out. We will work hard to make it work.