Reunification

What does Monica want?

For those around her to be happy.

No, what does MONICA want?

To support organisations in their work to stop human trafficking and to protect human rights.

For the last time, what does Monica want?

[insert dot dot dot here]

I have always believed that in order to help others, one must be able to help themselves. To love themselves wholeheartedly. To be comfortable with who they are or how they are perceived.

Do I have self-esteem issues? Do I retaliate because I lack the self confidence to rise above? Am I self aware? Do I know where my key strengths lie and shine through with them? Am I searching for an answer that I already know but am resisting acknowledgement for what it is?

There is a part of me that feels I should tick all the right boxes in order for me to begin my journey of helping others. To have the ability to know my faults, to accept them and to be open with them. To self-improve. To allow others to criticize and for me to be able to step out of the box to better myself, because I want to, not because I seek to please.

To fully understand oneself, one must recognise one's true feelings...

Dishevelled. Grateful. Appreciative. Tired. Excited. Optimistic. Calculative. Cautious. Vibrant. Anxious. Reluctant. Happy.

...and current status.

Interruptible.

I have been able to verbalise my thoughts these days. To refocus with others on what is important in the broader scheme of things. Yet, there are still a multitude of thoughts and ideas which I have yet to piece together in my library of "what I do know but not really know" mindbase.

I value time for self reflection. And time to [re]connect with others.

I am starting to realise that that the things that we worry about like our physical features are really small and minute. When we should really be focused on working on our inner core. It is like a house. One that looks big and amazing from the outside. But when you step in, you come to realise that it lacks maintenance. There are cracks on the wall. Then when you look closer, there are built up stains which have not been cleaned in a long time which makes it very hard to remove.

I want to be that house that does not need to look great from the outside but is amazing on the inside. Where people will walk in and go, wow, I was not expecting this. And immediately see that it is well loved and looked after.

It is not what the world knows of you but what you know of yourself that makes you different.