I have worked for the same company in the last eight years. Would you believe it? I was only 23 when I joined and I thought I knew a lot then. I thought I was five years older than I really was.
After all this time, I am left feeling like I am not good enough. I feel like my efforts have gone to waste.
What have I been doing wrong this whole time?
It got to a point where I did not want to be associated with the words "friendly" and "caring" because that was not considered a strong/serious/desired quality.
Because you know what's important? Being assertive. Talking more (not necessarily, contributing more). And knowing not to trust your own manager, so they say.
A part of me is thinking, no Mon... this is good. People care enough to be honest with you.
But right now all it does is make me feel incompetent. It discredits the way I work. It discredits me as a person. As someone who cares about every thing everyone says because that it just the person that I am.
Perhaps I am a toothless tiger.
I keep telling myself that I belong. That I have every right. But maybe I am trying to piece myself in a puzzle that simply does not have a home for me.
Taken me long enough has it not for me to realise?
I have changed a lot with this company. For the better... for the most part. Maybe I am losing hope and seeing things for what they really are.
I have worked with so many good people. I continue to work with good people. People that I will stand by and fight for. I know that the people mean well and they have my best intentions at heart. I am not angry at them. I am not angry at the situation.
I just really feel unsettled and out of place. But I do not want to settle. I cannot do it anymore.
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